My Daughters and Spiritual Self Esteem

‘The definition of the Mother Archetype is the giver of life at the cosmic and human levels. She is gentle and fierce; a lioness when required. She’s a caregiver to all. She desires to help and protect others. She is that which sustains and nurtures.

Her intuitive power is this medicine.’

Prayer was not something we practiced in our family. Prayer to me was only ever sung growing up to the tunes of Bon Jovi’s ‘Living on a Prayer’ and Madonna’s ‘Just like a Prayer’. Religion was to me (and still is) an outdated patriarchal system. But as an eight year old girl, I started to wonder and become curious about the bigger world and craved a connection with the great mystery. I believe this happened at that particular age because my imaginary animal friends and ‘make believe’ magical powers began to fade. Developmentally on schedule, my reasoning ability was kicking in which was confusing my reality. I was growing up and becoming more intellectually mature but at the same time I didn’t want to lose touch with the non physical world that I felt so comfortable and safe in.

I recall asking my mother if she could teach me how to pray. Like any loving parent she agreed and did her best. At bedtime before she would tuck me in, we would bring our hands together in prayer and recite ‘The Lord’s Prayer’

“Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name”…..

Now I had no clue what the words meant, but the ritual of it felt sacred to me. I was doing what I was born to do. Communicate with the divine and acknowledge a greater power I knew intuitively lived inside of me. Even from a young age with no religious education I naturally felt this was right and my little soul was happy. I’m not sure how long this nightly routine went on for, maybe a year, maybe less, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was that I believed and experienced my intuition giving me the nudges to engage in a sacred ritual which came from a place of love. A place of great mystery.

(extract ‘Mother’s Medicine’ book p.139)

Now that I’m a parent, the diagram has flipped. My eight year old engages in animal prayer and continues to ride her imaginary horse ‘Styler’ around which I encourage. I can see how happy it makes her and she tells me ‘I feel free’ after a gallop around the pretend paddock. She also informs me how she visits him in her dreams where he can go wild.

And isn’t this all the spirit ever needs to thrive? Freedom and a wild heart?

For children to trust their own Intuition and choices they need strong spiritual self esteem. This means they have to have faith in the decisions nobody else will validate for them. All the answers that can’t be found on google have to come from their own inner resources. When children grow up with low self esteem, they cannot act on their intuitive impulses because their fear of failing or not belonging is too intense. Intuition can only be helpful if they have the courage and confidence to follow through on the direction it is offering.

Learning to communicate with the greater world will help them to trust their own inner voice. Their truest deepest self. Not their frightened ego that just wants to fit in with everyone else. I have felt the weight of this responsibility recently as a mother wanting to raise confident girls that can stand up for themselves. I have realised that guiding them to discern between their scared mean girl voice and their brave big girl voice is part of the spirituality I want to teach them.

This type of spiritual direction has to come from the parents because it is not so readily available from schools that focus so heavily on the intellect. It’s up to us to teach our kids to stay in touch with the invisible world. Not to repress it or shut the door on their imaginary life which happens around age eight. But instead, give them permission to access their creative thinking so it becomes like a safe refuge that they can call upon and receive comfort. Their imagination is an important portal to intuiting information which needs to be kept open so it is encouraged and seen as ‘normal’ and not labelled ‘silly’ or childish.

From my own experience I have discovered that my kids are not great listeners when it comes to me giving them instructions. Of course they won’t allow me to teach them yoga but they are amazing imitators. I can only be the demonstration as a mother who prioritises sitting on her meditation mat every day and hoping that they absorb my actions. Some stillness, silence and surrender is all I need to keep my Intuitive voice strong. This has been my own ‘self-ish’ journey towards self esteem. It has required self love, self care and self acceptance. The exact three forces that mothers offer their children unconditionally but often deny themselves. It should be easy but it isn’t. However, when you have children looking up to you for guidance, you realise loving your authentic self with great esteem is the best gift you can give them.

So as our kids grow up and they face all of life’s challenges let’s show them that prayer and faith and belief can be trusted. And that we really are human beings having a spiritual experience.

And this is our ‘mother’s medicine’.